


Seeing In The Dark

by ThatDamnKennedyKid



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind Character, Blindness, Canon Disabled Character, Cunnilingus, Developing Relationship, Disabled Character, F/M, Female Uchiha Itachi, Grinding, Namikaze Minato Lives, No Uchiha Massacre, Oral Sex, Physical Disability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-07-08 11:37:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19869016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnKennedyKid/pseuds/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Summary: Kisame was dubious about how a joint mission between Kiri and Konoha would go, especially considering they only sent two shinobi. Mind you, one of them was Kakashi Hatake, but the other was just a young woman wearing her hitai-ate over her eyes.





	1. A Shark's Intuition

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you unfamiliar with their work, L.Pilz is a fantastic artist on DA and who is mostly responsible for my ideal Sexy Kisame. Specifically, this pic:
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/lpilz/art/Happy-Birthday-Kisame-361815998
> 
> Support them if you can and check out the rest of their work! They have some pretty awesome KisaIta stuff!

He would give it to Mei, Kiri cleaned up nicely under her rule. 

Not that it would ever stop being a shithole village, at least in his lifetime, but it was nicer than having to kill his classmates to rank up. He already looked dubious enough, he didn't need comrades' blood on his hands to expound it. He was glad he'd stuck around long enough to see Mei take it over, though, and not gone with that weird man who'd been controlling the Yondaime Mizukage. Something told him, deep inside, that it wouldn't have ended well for him inside the Akatsuki. 

And yet, this new mission didn't exactly inspire confidence in him either. 

They were meeting in a small nation somewhere between their villages and their target, but they had beat their allies there by a couple of hours. When the Konoha nin showed, it made a little more sense why. 

"Are you serious?" Suigetsu moaned. "Some blind bint is what Konoha thinks is aid?"

He didn't answer, but Mangetsu and Zabuza snorted in derision and started quietly making sarcastic and demeaning commentary. 

Konoha only sent two shinobi to the meeting, while the Mist had sent all seven Swordsmen. Mind you, one of them was the rightfully infamous Kakashi Hatake, but the other with him possessed no such reputation. She was a small, fragile thing too, someone who would have been eaten alive in Kiri during the bleeding of the village. Short, lean, pale with straight black hair pulled back into a low ponytail (with long bangs still on the side, so why even bother) and her hitai-ate pulled down over her eyes. Both of them were dressed in the signature black and grey of senior Konoha Jounin, the kind that ran ANBU missions in their spare time - the most dangerous kind. But he had no idea who the little lady was, which was unusual for someone who possessed the armour of the Hokage's chosen. 

"Yo." Kakashi raised an easy hand in greeting. "You're the Swordsmen, I take it?"

"And you're late." Zabuza griped. 

"That would be my fault." The woman said, her voice surprisingly deep and smooth, like hot sake. 

"Of course it would." Suigetsu snapped. "If you're going to be a handicap, just to back to Konoha."

Kakashi raised his only visible eyebrow. "I promise, she's worth her weight in gold. I'm here as her second."

"Her second?" He spoke up, more and more interested by the minute.

"I'm blind." She replied, turning her head to correctly face him. "Mostly. I need to operate with a comrade for optimal success."

"So you are a handicap." Mangetsu rolled his eyes. 

"I suppose I'll just have to let my abilities speak for themselves." She shrugged. "It's not up to us to believe the word of the other, only to demonstrate that peace and cooperation between our villages is possible."

He chuckled. "I like you. What's your name?"

"Itachi." She replied. "And yourself?"

"I'm Kisame Hoshigaki. The three assholes shittalking you are Suigetsu Hozuki, his older brother Mangetsu and Zabuza Momochi."

Her lips quirked up. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. Shall we be off?"

"Chojuro?"

The other man nodded. "I'll take point. Keep the Sharingan and Princess in the back. Since you're so friendly, you can babysit, Kisame."

He grinned back, much more feral than the others. "With pleasure."

* * *

It took them three days on the road to reach the hideout of the rogue nin and his mercenaries. He'd built up a sizable force, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to steal jutsu from Kiri or get the jump on a Konoha ANBU squad. Still, three days was quite some time to get to know a person, and the other Swordsmen were adamant to distance themselves from their new allies. He himself was not keen on making friends with shinobi he'd likely have to kill later on, but that curious little woman approached him on her own. 

"Before I embarrass myself, you're Kisame, yes?" She asked, cocking her head at him. 

"You've got the right one." He agreed. 

"Good." She sat down next to him, strangely graceful. Every movement she made was very deliberate and smooth, which must have taken ages of practise. While it was reasonable for a Sensor to be able to fight even if blind (though it would still be stupid hard), being able to navigate inanimate objects without some kind of aid took more than a little work. "It would be a shame to mix you up."

"Just me?" He chuckled. 

"Indeed. You've been much kinder than your comrades and I think it's only fair that I am kind to the right person in turn."

"No need. I'm not kind."

"You're mistaken. You're not unkind, you're just lost in the mist." She was 'looking' at him surprisingly accurately, but then she had her eyes covered so they didn't give her away. 

He settled more comfortably against the tree. "Well, since we're playing meet-and-greet, let me ask a question."

"Of course." She sat forward, her attention focused on him. 

"What's with the blindfold? I get that you're blind, but surely announcing it to the world is more dangerous than advantageous."

"It has its uses." She replied. "Most nin when they realize I'm blind consider me an easy target. They get sloppy because they think I'm disadvantaged."

"But you _are_."

"That's a manner of perspective." She cocked her head. "For instance, can you tell that there is a deer ten meters into the forest?"

"What?" He turned to look, but there was nothing visible in the tree-shaded night. 

"Exactly. Your eyes offer you great things, but without my sight, by Sensory ability is amplified. Not to mention I am as effective during the nighttime hours as I am during the day. Sure, I can't see my enemy, but I also can't fall under genjutsu or illusion. It's hard to hide from me, not that many of my opponents ever have."

"You make it sound good to be blind."

"Sure, I hate coffee tables and low stools, but that's only when I'm home."

That startled a laugh out of him and he found her chuckling along, a soft kind of smile gracing her lips. "A comedian too. I'm going to need a longer mental list of your talents."

"You've not seen anything yet."

"I look forward to it."

She leaned forward, raising a hand, but then stopped halfway toward him. "Can I make a request?"

"Sure."

"Can I touch you?"

"So forward."

"Maybe later. I meant touch your face, get to know what you look like."

"And how would you do that?"

"Through touch. I can map your face with my fingertips."

"Don't bother. Isn't anything worth seeing on me."

"In that case, I have to know." She flashed a smirk, but pulled back. "If you truly don't want me to, I won't."

He shrugged, then remembered that she couldn't _see_ that. "I don't really care - everybody else gets to see me without permission. I'm just warning you, not a pretty sight, even for fingers."

"Your warning is noted." She leaned in again, but paused. "You're sure?"

"For fuck's sake, Itachi, just do it."

She nodded, then _crawled onto his lap_. Fuck. 

"So, uh, is that necessary?"

"More comfortable." She replied absently, both of her hands settling on his cheeks. Her hands were warm and predictably small, but hard with calluses and wiry muscle. Whatever doubts may have lingered about her authenticity as a shinobi evaporated - her hands were the hands of a swordswoman, trained on kunai and katanas. Those calluses and rough scarring came from the clashing of blades, the tearing of the leather and steel against her palms and the strength to keep them from being pulled out of her grip. 

Still, despite their worn texture, her hands were feather-light on his skin (rough for a different reason than hers, damned sharks). She traced over every hard angle and brushed along each long plane, from his hairline to his ears to his jaw. The way she mapped out the bridge of his nose summoned a shiver he had to repress - he wasn't used to this gentle treatment and it reminded him all too much of starry-eyed girls memorizing the faces of their lovers. Even though it was airy, he had a hard time containing himself when she glossed over the gills under his eyes, the flaps so sensitive to even a breeze. He couldn't help himself when her hands cupped his neck, but her thumbs brushed over his lips. They parted without his consent, letting out a breathy sound at her touch. Her own mouth parted in answer, letting out a soft _oh_ in wonderment. 

"I like your face." She said at last, cupping his jaw and leaning into him. Somewhere along the way, his hands had migrated to her thighs, encouraging the proximity. 

"You'd be the only one."

She shook her head. "There is much there to appreciate. Your cheekbones are high, your nose is straight and flaired proportionately. Your gills are petal-soft and your mouth is . . . plush. You're defined, chiselled. You have a face sculptors would love to make a bust of."

"How long have you been blind?"

"I lost my sight at six."

"Then you are familiar with colour."

"Yes." She frowned. "Why?"

"I'm blue. My skin, my hair, my nails." He grinned in that feral way, well aware that her hands could feel it. "And that chakra you can sense? It's all me."

"Curious." She cocked her head in the other direction, her bangs falling over the gleaming metal. "You're very curious."

"And here I was aiming for intimidating." He leaned back against the tree, unsure of when he'd sat up. 

"I have no doubts as to the terror you'd inspire as an opponent. I simply don't see anything to fear from you."

He blinked. "Did you- Did you just _make a pun at me_?"

With a quick smirk, she was off his lap and walking back toward where Kakashi was laying, reading his perverted book. "Goodnight, Kisame."

He stared after her as she settled down in her bedroll, talking quietly with Kakashi.

"You dog." Zabuza plopped down next to him, elbowing him sharply. "Trying to get it on with the blind chick? Damn dude."

"I'm not the one stringing along a teenager."

Zabuza scowled, visible past even his mask. "Leave Haku out of this. At least he's a member of the village. You're gonna fuck some unknown from Konoha."

"If you weren't an asshole, I'm sure she'd talk to you too." He didn't bother pushing Zabuza away - he had no interest in a brawl right now. 

"Fine, but when she stabs you in the back, don't say I didn't fucking warn you so." The other Swordsman got up in a huff and stalked off into the woods. Itachi, across the camp, angled her head in the direction of his departure, likely noting it so she wouldn't be disturbed when he returned. 

He resettled himself against the tree, dosing off watching the fire play off the marble of her skin. 

* * *

The other Swordsmen didn't warm up to them at all in the following days, and Zabuza got even more standoffish. 

However, a few kilometres away from the compound, they realized they'd been undersold. 

"It was you fucking Konoha ninja." Suigetsu hissed, the Executioner's Blade ready in his hands. "You sold us out!"

"Seriously?" Kakashi sighed. "If we were going to ambush you to kill you, we'd have done it at the rendez-vous."

"Twenty-six and counting." Itachi snapped, drawing kunai.

"Right. Sorry." Kakashi readied himself, taking a look around for himself. "I count twenty."

"Six of them are from the Stone. I think they're using the Blend jutsu." She replied. "Eyes up, we have hostiles in from above."

The battle was a clusterfuck from then on out. 

Jinin and Juzo had to be covered by Kakashi. Zabuza and Chojuro got separated from their main body and Mangetsu was trying to cover Suigetsu, both of them failing spectacularly. He was getting edged out of the fray with Itachi at his side, which was distractingly dangerous. 

Itachi danced around the enemy like water, her body lithe and flexible. They didn't expect the dark precision with which she struck, nor did they imagine that she could be so fast. Any other time and he could have just watched her go. The sheer number of enemy nin required his attention, however. 

"Hey Itachi?" Kakashi called, ripping down another combatant. "I think it's time."

She danced around another nin, pulling her kunai across his throat. "Are you sure?"

"Suigetsu and Mangetsu look like they're drowning and I'm not sure how much longer we can hold position here."

"Alright. Kisame, cover me for a moment!"

He swung around as she ducked behind him. He felt her little hand on his shoulder not a minute later, her body swinging up gracefully and landing with a shockwave. She turned toward Suigetsu and he realized what she'd done and who she was. 

Her hitai-ate was pulled up onto her forehead, but her eyes were red, matching trails of blood coming from each one. 

The Crimson Murder, who's eyes and crows left bloody trails echoing the tidal wave of destruction left in her wake. Itachi Uchiha.

Once she had the enemy's attention, she got down to work. With her eyes projecting red light, she disappeared into the air in a flurry of birds.

It was hard to track the battle with her in the middle, since her crows obscured so much, but men fall left and right, gurgling and gasping for mercy they didn't receive. When the crows dissipated, she had the Executioner's Blade in hand, swinging the massive sword with enough force to cut men in half. Her conquest was as brutal was it was short, most of the blood covering her belonging to the pool of bodies lapping gently at their ankles. She stuck the sword in the ground between Suigetsu and Mangetsu as Zabuza and Chojuro re-emerged from the forest victorious. 

"You would think that the first thing they teach you," She pinned the brothers under her molten, glowing stare, "would be to not allow the enemy to commandeer your weapon."

Suigetsu cringed. 

She turned on Zabuza, scowling fiercely enough to make his proud stride stutter. "Now that we've established who requires a handicap, we'll be able to work together more effectively. I would hate for some _bint_ to drag down the whole operation."

Zabuza was too prideful to apologize like he should have, but too much of a coward to challenge her either. Chojuro, Jinin and Juzo all bowed their heads to her icy glare, yielding with as much grace as a Kiri nin was capable of. 

He just grinned. "I knew there was more to you than met the eye, Uchiha."

She glanced at him, the full shape of her face revealed at last. He'd guessed she was beautiful before, but she was beyond that minuscule word; hers was the kind of beauty that would send men walking into walls and women tripping over themselves with envy. 

"You've definitely solidified yourself as my favourite." She winked - the audacity of this woman, honestly - then looked away. "Kakashi."

"Maa, maa, I'm coming." He pulled out a white cloth wrapped in a thin protective layer. She pulled out the cloth, Kakashi stuffing the wrapping back into his pouch. She laid the cloth across her closed eyes, pulling her hitai-ate down over top of it and tucking the cloth underneath the navy binding. 

"I think we've had enough fun for today." She said. 

"We'll head back towards yesterday's camp, let the scavangers get to this, then hunt down the leader."

"Won't the leader have run?" Suigetsu asked, only to shrivel when Itachi snapped her sightless gaze over to him. 

"He's prideful." Kakashi reasoned. "He'll feel slighted and seek us out."

"It's not a half-bad idea to wash the battle off and prepare for the second wave." Kisame agreed. 

"I agree." Itachi said, turning away and starting back the way they'd come. "We best not waste time."

* * *

He approached the two Konoha nin, food in hand. "Didn't realize you got such a nasty gash in the thigh, Hatake."

"That's what I keep saying." Itachi retorted. 

"Itachi, you need help washing your face." Kakashi hissed. "This is why I'm here. My leg will be fine."

"Tch, stop being dramatic. I've got the cloth over them. They'll be fine."

"Remember last time, when the blood crusted and your eyelashes got glued to the cloth? Remember how long it took the hospital staff to get them to come apart?"

She winced. " _Yes_. But I can manage on my own. You can't let that fester."

"Or," He cut in, "Hatake can take care of his wound while I chaperone you to the river and you clean that crap off your face."

Kakashi sighed. "Okay, that's not a half-bad plan."

"You'll stay put if Kisame goes with me?" She pressed.

"Yes." Kakashi slumped back onto his arm. "Just go take care of yourself."

She stood. "You better."

"Yes, mother, now would you please just go? This 'I care about your wellbeing' stuff is getting a little weird for me."

She shook her head fondly. He set down the food tray as she grabbed a small pouch from amongst her belongings. She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. "Could you lead me to the river? I'd rather not fall into it."

"Sure." He let her keep her hand there as they left the camp, walking slowly toward the water. 

"Thank you." She said abruptly. "You didn't have to offer your services, but I appreciate them regardless."

"Have to make my best impression on the Crimson Murder."

She grimaced at the nickname. "I wish my actual name was as famous as that awful moniker."

"I think it's pretty ingenious. Crimson eyes, murder of crows - it works. What made me recognize you."

She looked away. 

"It's not a bad thing." He assured. "It's better than _the Monster of the Hidden Mist_."

"The Tail-less Tailed Beast, huh?"

He stepped down into the creek, taking the pouch from her and pulling out a blood-stained, soft cloth. He guided her to sit on a nearby rock. He soaked the cloth as she undid her hitai-ate, muttering a curse to herself as the dried blood pulled on her eyelashes. 

He was surprised to find that when she blinked her eyes open, they were a muted slate grey, somewhat milky and unfocused. They settled on him and she raised an eyebrow. 

"Did you think they were active all the time?"

"Honestly, yeah." He wrung out the cloth, walking back over to her and tilting her head back to start cleaning away the blood and debris. "Why wear it low if your eyes are active at will?"

"When you fight an enemy, no matter how long you've been without sight, you instinctually look for them." She turned her head to allow him more access. "I have a version of sight available to me for a price, and if I am not careful, I will activate them unconsciously. It's more effective to cover them and only open my eyes when I need to."

"What about at home? In the village?"

"I wear it on my forehead, like normal. No need for freaking out the civilians."

He chuckled. "I'm guessing that's a concern in Konoha, then?"

"Is it not in Kiri?"

"The Blood Mist? Not exactly."

"I suppose they're not so sensitive as to faint at the sight of an odd shinobi." She paused thoughtfully, then admitted the truth lowly. "I get tired of explaining it. It's easier if they just see the truth or don't notice anything strange."

"Fair enough." He was gentle around her eyes, making sure to detach any dried blood. "What questions bother you?"

"I'm not concerned about your inquiries, if that's what you're fishing for." She laid her hand over his. "My blindness occurred when I was six, but was not entirely natural."

"Acid?"

"No. My blindness was already approaching, but my father did not want to lose his heiress so quickly. The disability was caused by a disease that had started in my lungs and travelled through my blood to my brain. My father signed me up for an experimental surgery in an attempt to save my life. It was successful, but I came out the other side sightless. The Sharingan uses chakra pathways to relay what I see when I have it active, since there's nothing wrong with the eyes themselves, just the optical nerves. But the nerves are supposed to work in cooperation with the chakra paths, and they strain to assist, causing the bleeding. I can only sustain it so long as the pain doesn't disrupt my concentration. The longest I've held on is thirty-six minutes and seven seconds."

"You have a lot of trust in an enemy shinobi, telling them explicitly what your weaknesses are."

"Tomorrow you may be my enemy, but tonight you are my comrade." She leaned into his touch. "I believe lasting peace can only be made by erasing hate and old wounds. The only way to do that is through understanding and compassion. How can you forgive an enemy and forge alliances if you can't understand them or won't try? Personal connections are the beating heart of empathy."

"What lofty ideals."

"It's reality. After all, without your own experiences as an outcast, you would not find me so intriguing."

Busted. "And who says you interest me?"

"The fact you're here, taking care of me." She goes with his unspoken commands easily, tilting her head the other way so he can get a better look in the evening light. "It's not a bad thing, Kisame."

"You didn't grow up in the Mist." He muttered. "Compassion is a death sentence."

"And yet," She reached out and her fingertips fluttered over his cheekbone, "here you are."

"Even comrades can become targets." He has to be able to say he tried to resist her. He already knew it wasn't going to work, but he had to try.

"Redemption can only come if one is granted the chance to change." Her eyes flickered open, unfocused and hazy, but sincere. Rusty liquid dripped from her lashes, blood and water mingling, washed away. "Even if it is from across a battlefield, I look forward to seeing you change."

"You're so weird." He pulled back, wringing out the cloth and rinsing it in the water. 

"Optimistic, perhaps." She agreed casually. "But it is my sincere belief."

"Oh, I don't doubt that." He returned, dabbing at the remaining encrusted blood. "Doesn't make you less crazy, though."

She chuckled, reaching out again but missing his face to land on his chest. She splayed her hand over the rough skin, unafraid and undisturbed. He was struck with how long it had been since he's felt a touch so simple and affectionate and decided not to consider it. 

"Don't do this to me, Itachi." He said, pulling back completely. 

"Our villages are allies now." She reasoned. "There's no need to hide from me. If you genuinely have oppositions, then I will desist-"

The burning presence her handprint left on his skin attested otherwise.

"-but I don't think you do. Tell me if I'm out of line."

"Damn you." He muttered. 

Her lips quirked. "Probably."

He stepped back into her personal space, watching her eyes try to track him. "You're playing with fire."

"I'm an Uchiha." She smirked, confident. "It's a family talent."

"I didn't take you as the kind of girl who puts out on the first date."

"I'm not, but I am an opportunist." She cupped his jaw. "We wrap this mission up in a few hours and go our separate ways with kill confirmation. Consider this a way to remember me. And if it leads you back to me?"

She pulled him down with surprising strength, kissing him like she was trying to prove a point. 

"All the better."

* * *

The mission progressed smoothly after their hiccup with the ambush. There was no need for Itachi to pull her eyes on her enemy again, since their target seemed to have expended the majority of his good troops on the ambush. 

"I suppose this is goodbye." He said, slinging Samehada over his shoulder. 

"For now." She nodded, her hitai-ate pulled up. Even sightless and unfocused, her eyes were beautiful. Graceful and lovely, just as the rest of her. He was going to regret missing his chance to have her under him when he got back to Kiri, but he'd wind up grateful he didn't have a taste of a delicacy he wouldn't be allowed again. 

"Hopefully we meet again under amicable circumstances."

"With luck. Either way, I wish you good fortune Kisame." She inclined her head to him (bowing properly likely put her off balance and she would be naturally leery of banging into something) and turned away, resting her hand on Kakashi's shoulder. The Copy Nin just offered a lazy salute in parting.

He watched after them as they disappeared into the trees, wondering what the hell kind of spell she cast on him. Could all Uchiha do that? He hoped not - it would be in poor taste to lust after a whole clan indiscriminately. 

"Was she that good in the sack?"

He turned with a scowl on Mangetsu. "What are you bitching about now?"

"The blind broad. I take it she was pretty good if you're mooning after her already."

"What makes you think we had sex?"

"Yeah, bro, lay off. We all know Kisame's not her type." Suigetsu snorted. "She's Itachi Uchiha, right? The clan heiress? Her dad's probably got plenty of pretty people lined up to make pretty babies with her."

 _Pretty_. The word stung a little more than usual. He knew he was cruel and unusual looking, but there was no need to be so aggressive about it. He was well aware the class difference between him and her. _He_ wasn't blind.

"Shut the fuck up and get moving." Chojuro griped. "We don't have all day, you gossips."

"Yessir." Suigetsu replied with a roll of his eyes. 

* * *

* * *

**Three Months Later**

* * *

* * *

"Ah, Kisame, there you are."

He bowed his head in respect. "Lady Mizukage. You summoned me?"

Mei nodded, gesturing for him to sit down on one of the sofas in the office. He did so, resting Samehada against the wall. "I did. I have been in direct correspondence with the Hokage since the success of our joint mission. He has proposed a secondary alliance, one of a lesser scale, but no less meaningful for it."

"Alright." He frowned. "What does this have to do with me?"

"Between the Five Great Nations, four have agreed to this alliance - Konoha, Suna, Kiri and now Iwa. Kumo is convinced it's not their problem, but that's just the stubbornness of the Raikage. We are banding together to form a four-man squad consisting of a member from each village to combat the Akatsuki. Unfortunately, that's all the information I can provide you unless you accept my offer."

"And what would that be?"

"Your own report, along with the one from your Konoha comrades, states that not only were you the friendliest of the Swordsmen to the Konoha nin, but that you and Itachi Uchiha worked well together. I want you to represent Kiri as one of our best, as well as the least likely to make an ass out of us."

He grinned. "Sure. It's not like I'm doing anything else. So give me the details."

"Since Kumo is the only one out of this alliance, we Kage agreed that it was best to chose a host nation that shared no borders with it, which is Konoha. The three outside nin will be travelling there and taking orders from the Hokage on behalf of us all. However, you will mostly be independent. This task will require your own thinking, without the approval of the villages involved."

"You said we'd be hunting Akatsuki?"

"Yes." Mei stood and paced over to the window. "They have been targeting Tailed Beasts. I believe they are the reason the Yondaime is no longer among us."

He remembered the young Mizukage, with the shadowed man who'd offered him power and purpose. Not that he would tell anyone that. Then he would be complicit in the disappearance of their Jinchuuriki. "Right."

"We no longer have our own, but it is imperative that an organization as opaque and transient as the Akatsuki don't amass any of this power. The best way to do this is to send a squad out after them strong enough to counter the members and possibly the Beasts themselves, should it come down to it."

"Then I'm a good choice."

"My thoughts exactly." She turned to face him again. "This mission cuts you loose, free from oversight and comrades from your own village. We're all placing our faith in our chosen ninja not to go rogue."

"Can I be candid?"

"Yes."

"I've had better chances than this to leave this shithole, Mei." He stood, picking up Samehada and slinging the sword back onto his back. "And I'm still right here."

"I know, Kisame." She sighed. "But I'm sure you can sympathize with what it's like trying to reinstate trust and comradeship between shinobi used to murdering each other for sport. That's not even considering the strong, unified face I have to present to the other villages lest war erupt again."

"Trust me, Mei. You've made the right choice."

"Thank you." She straightened, looking for all the world like the badass she actually was. "Your mission is effective immediately. Once you're ready, depart. At Konoha's main gate, a Jounin will meet you to show you to your new quarters."

"Before I go, do you happen to know who the other nin are?"

"No. We'll be informed once they all arrive who the final team members are."

He bowed. "As you command, Mizukage."

Right before he closed the door, he heard her quiet prayer. "Good luck, Kisame."

* * *

The trip to Konoha was uneventful. He hadn't taken much - didn't think he'd need too much and didn't really feel like lugging more than necessary. 

Konoha was a large, vibrant village full of bustling civilians and the smell of exotic foods. It was probably the most diverse of the villages, and certainly the biggest. Their shinobi and civilians even lived amongst each other, impossible to tell apart when dressed down. He watched them idly as he waited for the jumpy gate guards to summon his guide. 

"Hello, Kisame."

He turned and looked up, finding Itachi in the Jounin uniform (not as flattering as the ANBU kit, unfortunately) crouched on the roof. She dropped down, walking right up to him. "Hello, Itachi."

"You know each other?" One of the guards - Izumo, he'd been called - stuttered out in shock.

"Yes. We ran a mission together." She reached out her hand and without thinking, he took it. "I'm your guide."

He snorted. "Oh good. Blind leading the blind."

She laughed good-naturedly. "Indeed. Though, in this case, I am better equipped to lead you."

"Onwards then."

She tugged him along after her, wandering through the winding streets. The people parted for her, obviously familiar with her disability. There were more than a few stares at him, but that wasn't unusual. He _was_ blue, after all.

"Why are you my guide? Shouldn't it be the Konoha nin who's coming with us?" He asked as they moved through the crowds toward the Hokage Mansion.

She did her best to direct an unimpressed look his way. "And here I thought I proved myself well enough on our last encounter."

"Oh. _Oh._ It is you who's representing Konoha." He chuckled sheepishly. "I should have known."

"Oh? How so?"

"It's just my luck, quite frankly. The only kunoichi who I can't get out of my head."

Her lips quirked up. "There will be plenty of time to flatter me - don't blow your best lines right now."

He laughed, rough and ugly in surprise, but she giggled alongside him. They must make quite the pair to passerby, beauty and the damn beast.

"The other Kage had to send the name and description of their chosen nin ahead of time so we know who to allow in. When Minato read your name, he asked me if I would be interested in partnering with you again. I, evidently, said yes."

"You might regret it."

"Than I regret it. However, even if the squad is dysfunctional and ineffective, I will not regret serving my Kage and country."

He didn't answer, thought it best not to. As much as he wanted her to be with someone worthy of her time and attention, Suigetsu's jab echoed back in his mind. 

_Pretty_. 

If she wanted him - for friendship, comraderie or something dirtier - who was he to argue?

"Are the others here yet?"

"Not so far." She tossed him a smirk. "Just be careful about spending time with me now. You might be sick of me in a few weeks."

"Doubt it." 

"I suppose there's nothing for it." She shrugged. "Besides, I have to show you the best places to eat here before we're out in the wilderness. Do you like dango?"

_I'm so fucked already._


	2. An Artist's Awareness

It had been a very pleasant three days following Itachi around Konoha and listening to her prattle on about the village. He'd even gotten the chance to meet the Hokage, out for dinner with his wife and son. 

"Nee-chan!" The Hokage's son wrapped himself around Itachi's waist, grinning up at her unseeing eyes. "I heard about your mission. Don't worry - I'll take care of Sasuke!"

"I didn't doubt your for a moment, Naruto." She pet his unruly blonde hair, evidently used to this kind of treatment. 

It was strange how easy it was to talk to Itachi, to just spend time frivolously. There was no effort involved in being with her, no pressure to act or behave. The best day was probably the third, when she brought him down to the river and invited him to swim with her. 

It was evident that she knew this area well, confident way she navigated the rocks and slopes. 

"It's near the Uchiha clan lands." She explained. "My brother and cousin found this place and insisted I join them. I've spent a lot of time here."

"And you're bringing me?" He cocked his head.

"Of course. Treasured memories and spaces should be shared. How else does one form a bond?" She took his hand and led him down to the edge of the water, crouching to cup some of the lazy river in her hand. "Not bad. Warmer than I thought for this time of year. Shall we?"

"Sure." He stripped off his casual gear, laying Samehada against a tree. When he turned back around, he found Itachi had shed her light yukata and sandals, leaving her only in a simple maroon bikini. It was modest, so far as those things go, but her other clothing was masculine or general shinobi gear, even the yukata she'd worn over was shapeless. Now . . . He was very grateful she couldn't see his slack-jawed expression.

"Shall we?" She repeated, turning to him as she pulled her hair loose of its tie.

He had to force his mouth to work and keep himself from drooling like some lecher. "Ladies first."

She smirked and waded out into the water and he realized that he'd made a terrible decision. 

Kiri nin weren't exactly known for their self-control. They'd been trained only to control their weapons and direct their bloodlust. Kunoichi were more than capable of fending off unwanted advances, since any kind of unwanted approach meant death in the Blood Mist. This was an exercise that was going to teach him self control the hard way, since Itachi wasn't the kind of woman one treated crudely or with disrespect. Even barring her clan and her looks, she was a talented nin even better than most regular shinobi without handicaps. She was an ANBU - the class just below the Kage, and it showed. That alone deserved his reverence and manners. She commanded his allegiance, and that's exactly what she would receive from him. 

Honestly, in what kind of world was a man as feral and fearsome as Kisame bending knee to a short, lean woman like Itachi? Her face was level with his pectoral muscles, not even tall enough to rest his chin on her head and her hips were small enough that he could wrap both hands around them. She likely weighed less than Samehada. Slender and pale - fragile - with a kittenish face; big black eyes, small nose and plush lips. She looked like a princess from some far-off fairytale, rescued by a prince and swept away to be dainty and picturesque. 

And yet, that ANBU tattoo on her shoulder was unmistakable. 

"I can sense you thinking. What's on your mind?"

He wasn't a liar, nor particularly deceptive. Besides, if they were to be partners and companions in the following months, possibly years, there was no sense in even trying. "I'm just looking at you. You're so small. With your hair down and in a dress, you would make the perfect housewife."

She snorted, taking graceful and careful steps down into the river. "My mother would be overjoyed to hear that someone finds me feminine."

"What about you isn't?"

"I kill people, for one."

"With that figure? Not really a leap."

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. "I- really?"

"Yeah? Don't tell me you don't have people lavishing compliments on you. I won't believe it."

"Well, I mean, in ANBU I had them tell me all the time they thought I was sexy or stunning. But we'd say shit like that to each other all the time."

"Your team?"

"Yeah. Kakashi, Tenzou and Genma were the other members of my squad. But it's pretty common for ANBU squads to turn into foursomes."

His brain must have malfunctioned. "Pardon?"

"Well, trap four single people miles from home with no outside contact and they'll gravitate. It's only natural."

"You've had group sex. In ANBU."

She ran her hands over the surface of the river with a small frown. "Yes. Doesn't it happen in other villages? Kakashi preferred me because he could kiss me."

"What, were you the only one with lips?"

"Blind. Didn't see what was under his mask." She smirked. "But I know where his secret beauty mark is and the texture of his stubble. I swear, Tenzou was going to burst each time Kakashi wanted time alone with me."

"Well, shit."

"What?"

"I think I'm going to pass out."

"What?! Why?" She turned toward him, obviously concentrating on seeing if she could feel any injury on him. 

"I'm not going to be able to get the picture of you and Hatake fucking out of my mind. That's some quality material."

She splashed him. "Pervert."

"You're the one flaunting her sexual history here."

"And you wonder why my mother never considers me a proper heiress." 

He grinned, just because she couldn't see it, and dove into the river. He was sure he'd soaked her, but that was more than okay. Wet-kitten Itachi might prove to be even better than her normal, impossibly radiant self. 

She was laughing when he surfaced, soaked completely. "You ass."

"Surprise." He smirked, victorious. 

"Be honest with me."

"Sure." She'd been honest with him so far. Why not? What did he have to loose?

"I didn't imagine the gills on your cheeks, did I?"

"No, you didn't." This was a bit of a mood dampener. He should have extinguished this crush he'd been nursing long before it came to this. "I'm a shark."

"Nonsense."

"No, I have shark aspects. My clan has a summons contract with sharks and it's sunk into our chakra makeup."

She cocked her head, visibly reaching out to him with her senses. "Your chakra is too large and imposing to me simply genetics."

"Tail-less Tailed Beast." He replied, the moniker making him grin. "I've only gotten stronger since I acquired Samehada."

"I suppose it would." She swam over to him, confident in the water. She bumped into his shoulder, chest to chest. Even here, she looked up at him. Her breasts were pressed against him, the material of her bathing suit silken against him. "But it also seems like they build them big in Kiri. Or is that just you, too?"

"You're in dangerous waters, Uchiha."

"Shinobi thrive in danger." She touched his neck, fingertips fluttering over his jaw and cheeks. "I'd get bored otherwise."

"What a pity that would be." He pressed into her touch. It was so nice to be touched and still feel safe. She wouldn't hurt him without provocation, he wasn't to be slain by those dainty hands no matter how capable of it they may be. He didn't know how he knew that, only that he did. 

"Indeed. Strength is vain enough to find a mirror of itself attractive."

He chuckled. "Do you always speak in poetry?"

"When it suits me." 

She used his shoulder to push herself out of the water enough to press a gentle kiss to his nose. His hands gripped her waist, holding her up. He ducked down and pressed a fluttering line of kisses up her neck, revelling in her shivers. 

"Kisame . . ." She breathed, the hand on his shoulder migrating to his hair. 

"You may have the advantage in the open air, Itachi, but water is my forte." He kissed her. "Take a deep breath."

She did as he said without question, not even struggling when he pulled her under with him. She gripped him tighter, as if she was afraid to lose him in the water, but he wasn't leaving. He pulled her flush, intent on repaying her teasing words with weak knees. 

His mouth found her collarbone, grazing his teeth along porcelain skin. Along the top of her breasts, he pressed full kisses, making sure the large expanse of his chest kept in contact with hers. He intently left a patchwork of light bruises across her shoulders and up her neck. Her gentle tugging on his hair let him know she was at the end of her rope. 

He broke surface for them, her gasp as desperate as it was erotic. He wanted her with a fierceness he usually reserved for battle, lusted after her with the same thirst he had for water. What kind of witchcraft did the Uchiha women practise? 

She kissed him again, a sweet sound coming from deep in her chest. He pushed her back against a cropping of rock, worn smooth by the river. She grunted, but otherwise continued on, going to far as to nip him when he got distracted. He was careful of his teeth, unwilling to use violence against her in any form. That didn't stop her from tracking them with her tongue once she got inside, a shiver rippling down her back. 

He managed to pull back from the intoxicant of her lips. "Itachi . . ."

"What's wrong?" She cupped his cheek, her unfocused eyes blown wide. The flush across her cheeks and nose watched the pretty kiss-pink of her lips. 

"Let me." His hands slid down to her hips, hoisting a leg up around his waist and using his size advantage to palm a thigh as his fingers brushed against her lower lips. "I've been thinking about you for months, inconsiderate minx."

She chuckled breathlessly. "I have a better idea." She wrapped both legs around him tightly, pressing his erection tightly against her core. 

He groaned like a condemned man, grasping for something he wasn't allowed. "Very dangerous of you, heiress."

"I don't think we need to rush." She threaded both hands into his hair, biting along his jaw and ear. "But we do both need relief. It's been impossible to get the echo of you voice out of my head, to will away the heat of your skin from mine. Take the edge off, for us both."

He dropped his head onto her shoulder. There was so little between them - just two scraps of fabric easily pushed aside. "Be explicit, princess. What do you want me to do to you?"

"Princess?" She snorted. "Hardly."

"Mistress, then?"

"It does have a better ring." She wrapped her arms around him as they shared a laugh. "Grind on me. Grind us together until we come."

So, fuck her through the fabric, huh? He could do that. "Prepare yourself for what you asked for."

She clamped tightly around him, like a clingy octopus, and he held himself to the rock with chakra. 

He didn't waste time being gentle. He started in tight, hard circles that had her crying out in surprise, then gasping in intensity. 

"Fuck." She managed. 

"I warned you." He grazed his teeth along her shoulder, starting to put real effort into thrusting against her. 

He was vicious and hard as he thrust against her, not letting up her for a second. She jolted sharply when he shifted, so he aimed there again and found her clitoris. He dropped a little lower, getting a more full grind and she rewarded him with a broken and choppy moan. 

"That's right." He licked at her neck, taking in her scent. Clean linen and myrrh incense, earth and calm. "Is this what you wanted?"

"This and more." She panted back. "Come for me, Kisame. I want to feel it."

He hissed, pulling his erection out of the boxers he recreationally swam in. He shifted them to grind more against her hip, downstream, and let it naturally crest through him. Her murmured encouragements were as loud as yells in his head, blocking out everything else. When he came back to himself, he found her still in an unfulfilled state. 

"Did you-?"

"No." She was trembling, wound up. "Fingers?"

"I have a better idea." 

"Kisame-"

He ducked back underwater, taking her legs and laying them on his shoulders. He braced her against the rock with one arm, using the other to pull her bottoms to the side. 

One hand found his face underwater, tapping his nose playfully before clenching a wistful of hair. He liked to have it pulled (though he suspected she didn't so much) and was ready to have her unwittingly indulge the desire. 

He opened by answering the needy little circles of her hips with an open-mouthed kiss that was as filthy as he could make it. He could hear her squeal, even submerged, and her free hand clamped down on the forearm keeping her to the rock, digging in with her short nails. He was sure she felt his self-satisfied grin, even as he made sure to keep his teeth covered by his lips. 

It didn't take her long to follow after him, spasming so hard when she came that she almost dislodged him. Her legs tightening around his head were strong enough to almost crush him, but she kept enough sense of self not to. If he ever managed to get between her legs properly, it was going to be a deliciously tight hold. 

She let him go, guiding him to the surface with a gentle hand on his chin. He fixed her bottoms as a final courtesy (only two women before her allowed him so far down, the rest too scared of his teeth) and surfaced. 

Itachi, still visibly disoriented and drowning in afterglow, pulled him into a violent and overwhelming kiss. Heh, maybe her small size just concentrated her dominance. 

"Heh, wow." He murmured when she finally let him up for air. "Is that my reward every time or just this once?"

"The kiss?"

"To be fair, I've never been kissed like that."

"I'll have to rectify that then." She nuzzled their noses together. 

Above them, there was a disgruntled caw. 

She looked up and held up an arm. A crow landed on it, leaning down to gently tap a rhythm onto her arm. 

"The Suna delegate is due in the village shortly." She sighed.

"How much time do we have to dry?"

"He's still five or six hours out. He was to send a bird when he crossed the border."

"What do you want to do?"

"We can dry in the sun." She smirked, pressing their foreheads together. "But you have to let me go first."

"Oh, uh, yeah." He laughed awkwardly. "I guess I do." 

He detached and the rush of cool water between them was more than a little unwelcome. 

* * *

When they arrived at the gate, the Suna ninja was already waiting for them, staring at Kotetsu with a bored and annoyed expression. 

"Don't worry about it, Kotetsu." She said as they approached. "He's here at the request of the Hokage. I'm in charge of his care."

"Uh, alright. You sure?" Kotetsu replied. 

She chuckled. "Yes."

Isumo poked his head out of the checkpoint. "What about the loud, volatile blond?"

"Is he from Iwa?"

"Yes, I am!" A short blonde with long hair, pushed past the other man. "Name's Deidara, hn."

The unimpressed redhead bowed his head to her. "Sasori."

"A pleasure. I'm Itachi and this is our Kiri comrade, Kisame."

Sasori eyed them and their casual clothes. "Yes. Comrade. I can see that."

"If you'll follow me, I'll lead you to the residence we'll be staying in while in Konoha."

Deidara huffed, following Itachi with not-so-quietly muttered complaints about trees and the sun. 

"Do we still have time to send to Iwa for a replacement?" Sasori groaned.

Kisame laughed, Itachi hid her grin, but Deidara didn't find it amusing. 

"And what, exactly, do we need Suna for? A distraction while the real shinobi do the work?"

"Strong words coming from the losers of the last Ninja War."

Deidara bristled. "Says the one that hid in Konoha's skirt the entire time."

"Calm down, guys." Kisame tried. 

"Stay out of this, Blood Mist, hn!"

Itachi spun on her heel, grabbing Sasori and Deidara by the arm and pulling them in. "As of the second you walked into the gates, you solidified your commitment to being a member of this team. Today, our villages and alliances don't tie us - our duty is to each other for the betterment of the entire ninja world. If you want to reopen old wounds or fight amongst yourselves, go home."

Sasori's eyes were blown wide, shocked into feeling emotion, while Deidara looked well and truly like a little boy being chastised by his elder sister. 

"Have I made myself clear?" Her tone brooked no argument.

"Yes, Itachi-san." Sasori answered immediately. 

"Yes, taichou." Deidara said, lowering his head. 

"Good." She released them, turning back and serenely leading their now-silent party to the house. 

* * *

Itachi didn't allow any infighting during the next day they were resting from their travels. Deidara and Sasori managed to grow closer, judgemental critiquing dolls and sculptures as they passed them in the market. 

"Friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together." Kisame whispered to Itachi, taking pleasure in the way she almost snorted her tea. 

"Kisame!" She chastised, but there was no heat. 

"I heard that, hn!" Deidara called. 

He smirked at the blonde. "Whoops."

Sasori rolled his eyes with a grin. "There go his delicate sensibilities."

"Speaking of, did you get orders from Minato-sama?" Kisame asked. 

"I did." She set her tea down. "We leave tomorrow at first light. There was a tip that Akatsuki members were seen in the Hidden Grass, so that will be our initial lead. Tonight, I'll be staying with my family as a final farewell and meet you at the South Gate before dawn tomorrow."

"Clan? What clan?" Deidara asked. 

Sasori looked at him as though he'd grown another arm from his nose. "The Uchiha, you half-wit Iwa moron."

"Hey! How am I supposed to know what Konoha clan she comes from!"

"It's only the first most famous clan in history." Sasori rolled his eyes. "You need to buy a brain before we leave."

"I'm sure he can pick one up in our travels if it becomes necessary. It's always nice to have a pretty face on the team."

Itachi shook her head good-naturedly and stood up. "Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

As promised, Itachi met them in the wee hours of the morning dressed and armed, her supplies neatly packed in a small square rucksack at her feet. She was dressed outside the normal Konoha Jounin uniform, rather in the muted back and grey of the ANBU. Even then, individualized design had snuck in, with navy accents in the underarmour and mesh armour to the wrist beneath that. 

Deidara was in a navy outfit patterned in green shuriken and kunai. He wore no armour, but was strapped with pouches of a neutral beige. 

Sasori wore fragmented armour from Suna, but dark red underclothes and shinobi tape up his right arm and down the shin of his right leg. 

Kisame himself wore the standard non-descript halter of Kiri with Jounin trousers, Samehada and it's harness, two pouches and fingerless cloth gauntlets two shades lighter than his skin tone to the elbow. There was no chance of hiding him in any fashion, but with his hitai-ate stashed away, it was less evident that he wasn't one of the runaways from the dark times. 

"Still got the headband?" Deidara asked, cocking his head at Itachi.

"Yes, though it doesn't proclaim my village affiliation." She reached up and felt it. He was aware that Sasori tracked the movement. "It's a sideways ANBU flame with a slash through it."

"Not exactly a lie." He ruminated, picking up Itachi's bag and slinging it over his shoulder. 

"Kisame, I'm more than capable."

"I know." He didn't return the bag. She shook her head fondly. 

"What's our callsign?" Sasori asked, clearly a veteran. 

"We're being exclusively referred to in missives between the villages as 'the Fireteam'. Minato-sama will be the one we receive tips, funding and instruction from as needed. However, I believe it best if we bounty hunt on the side to keep cover as a squad of mercenary rogue nin. We should also keep our more exotic abilities to ourselves unless absolutely necessary."

"I agree." Sasori nodded. He was still acutely watching her. 

"You're the boss." He shrugged. 

"What? Since when?" Deidara snapped. "Just because she's a pretty face on this mission doesn't mean we have to bow to whatever she says."

"Her Kage is our director." Sasori hissed back, clearly irritated. "It stands to reason she would be the leader."

"We need to work cooperatively above anything else." She cut in. "I'm the liason for the villages' wishes, yes, but we all must act in our best situational capacity, not wait on one to give orders, but function together cohesively."

"You're pretty wise for someone so young." Sasori raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to tell me about it."

"You as well."

Sasori blinked. "Oh?"

"Later, perhaps. Now, is everyone prepared?"

A chorus of agreement went up. 

"Alright. Let's begin. Hidden Grass was the last mention." 

He took the lead, sauntering ahead of them so Itachi wouldn't be subjected to Dconfirmed taunting for her directional challenge. 

* * *

To reach the Grass, they had to pass through the Rain first. 

The territory of the Hidden Rain was lousy with overgrown potholes and water-filled trenches. He was well aware of this from his own fighting here. While the natural terrain was otherwise flat, the scars of war would make treacherous for Itachi, which would slow the team down in turn. That's why, when they reached the light shower at the border, he handed her back her rucksack, adjusted Samehada to sit on his right side, and picked Itachi up, sitting her on his left shoulder. She gasped in surprise. 

"Oh. Is it bad up ahead?"

"Potholes, mostly, from the Third Ninja War." He explained. 

"Ah. Thank you, then." She pulled the hitai-ate down over her eyes and he could tell just by the way her body tensed that she was taking the concentration she usually reserved for walking and adding some extra range to her Sensor ability. 

"Oh, so the princess gets to ride on the giant shark man? What, can't stomach to get your feet wet, hn?" Deidara made a disgusted noise, but Itachi didn't acknowledge him. 

Sasori continued to watch them in fascination and Kisame could see the moment what was really going on clicked inside the puppeteer's head. 

"Itachi?"

"Yes, Sasori?"

"Perhaps when we next make camp, we can talk?"

"Why's it gotta be then?" Deidara snapped. "Just talk now, hn. Or did you want to profess your undying love to her majesty?"

Sasori rolled his eyes hard enough to hear and his voice was lash-like. "If I liked women, I probably would. As it stands now, I just have hypothesis I'd like confirmed when we have a secured perimeter." 

Deidara almost fell over himself. He couldn't contain the chuckle at the bond's expense, nor the warmth that bloomed in his chest once they hit the eternal rains and Itachi sheltered his head with one half of her jacket. 

They didn't make it through Rain before they needed to camp (Deidara's bitching had become grating) and found an empty cave dry enough to sleep in. 

"I don't suppose we found wood and tinder for a fire?" Itachi asked. 

"There's some stored in the depths of the cave that I can see. Must be a holdover location for merchants and locals." He replied. "Wring out your jacket and hair. I'll get the wood."

He set her and Samehada down and got to work. Sasori, notably, stayed by her side or with her in sight the whole time. 

"I've got the wood. Mind lending me some flame?" He called. 

Itachi ambled over to him, her steps more cautious on the uneven cave floor, and knelt next to him in the direction he was facing. 

"It's a few inches up from your feet." He quietly told her. She nodded and held her fingers to her mouth, blowing a gentle stream of fire out. "A little longer."

It lengthened at her command and the timber caught fire. 

"Thanks. I'll start a soup. Fish?"

"Sounds good to me." 

"I thought it's Itachi's turn to cook?" Deidara asked. 

"I don't mind cooking. Besides, fish soup from Kiri on a cold day can't be beat." He grinned, showing off his teeth, and was gratified when Deidara just shrugged (still clearly annoyed that Itachi was excluded from communal chores) and went about setting up his bedroll. 

* * *

She stopped next to Sasori at the mouth of the cave, sitting down carefully next to him. Kisame was distracting Deidara with gutting fish and sorting the dried herbs, so they could have some time. 

"You're blind, aren't you?" Sasori asked blandly.

"Yes."

"How long?"

"I was six when I contracted an illness. Between the illness and the cure, it damaged my optical nerves and I became blind."

"How blind?"

"i can tell when it's daylight and dark, but other than that, nothing. Not even colour. Only when I activate my Sharingan can I see at all."

"But?"

She smiled. "But using the chakra for force the damaged nerves and muscles to work strains them, and my eyes bleed. I have an absolute maximum of thirty-five minutes I can use them, then chakra exhaustion and pain take over."

"The Sharingan is painful to use?"

"Extremely." She tapped the hitai-ate. "I wear this over my eyes so I don't activate them trying to see the enemy. Muscle memory is very hard to unlearn."

"I see."

"What about you?"

He snapped his gaze up to hers, meeting dark, unfocused eyes. "What about me?"

"I'm able to be a shinobi because of my Sensor abilities, not my Sharingan. I've very adept, I'm told. I can feel that your right arm and leg are missing."

Sasori sighed. "Storytime, huh?"

"If you'd rather not, I won't push."

"The short version is that my only friend was a moron and took on an enemy he couldn't defeat. I stepped in and saved his life at the cost of my limbs. He went back and tried again while I was unconscious from surgery and died in the process. Idiot."

"You have my sympathies."

"He deserved what he got, as shitty as it is." He sighed. "Maybe one day I'll have it in me to tell you."

"When you do, I'll tell you about my time in ANBU, and how I killed three of my village's elders."

"Square deal." He extended the puppet hand to her and was gratified when she didn't miss it. "I'm starting to really like you."

She smiled. "My condolences."


	3. A Puppeteer's Strings

Deidara huffed and he had to suppress a laugh. 

"What?" Deidara snapped. "You think this is funny, hn?"

"Nope." He grinned back. "Not at all."

"Yeah, well, you've already got a girlfriend." Deidara blew at the bangs hanging in front of his eye in frustration. "But she has to go and start in on my territory?"

"I was unaware that you'd peed on Sasori. Should I inform him?"

"If you start hitting on him too, I'll have to kill everyone." Those blue eyes narrowed. "All of you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"I'm starting with Itachi."

"Naturally. Hit the woman first."

Deidara scowled and dropped the conversation thread. Ahead of them, Sasori and Itachi laughed at one of her muttered jokes. 

"How come you don't get jealous, Kisame? You're obviously involved with Itachi. How long has that been a thing, by the way?"

"What do I have to be jealous of? I'm the travelling companion of a beautiful woman who enjoys my company." He raised an eyebrow at the ceramicist. "And what do you mean, _been a thing_?"

"Well, you two are obviously together. You know, like dating?" Deidara cast him a judgmental look. "You've had to have heard of it."

"No, we're not together."

Deidara tripped over a root. "Uh, excuse me, hn? What do you _mean_ you're not together?"

"We're not in a relationship."

Deidara rolled his eyes as visibly and dramatically as he could. "I've been in your company for three months, my man, and will be a companion for the foreseeable future. No need to lie."

"What made you think we were?"

"The fact you carry her, for one. She always sleeps next to you, always comes to you first? She's making puppy eyes at you all the time. And you're no better - it's like you're in love with her already. There's no way you can't _not_ be together."

"Well, we're about as together as you and Sasori."

"Oh good. I joined a team of pining nitwits."

"What does that make you?"

"Uh, did I say I was an exception?" Deidara scowled. "Can you at least flex or something to get Itachi's attention? It's making my skin itch that she's so . . . friendly with him."

"Almost like they're friends."

"Shut up! Did I ask? Take off your shirt or something so she gets distracted."

He laughed, trying his damnedest not to give the game away. Three months. _Three months_ and Deidara remained oblivious.

* * *

"Itachi, walk with me."

She got up from the camp fire, ignoring Kisame's inquisitive head tilt and Deidara's annoyed huff. "Of course."

They both knew she was no good for visual scouting, but her senses were better refined than anyone else. At night, like this, she was a good companion. She felt when his chakra threads connected to her, felt him start to guide her movements when she was unsure. It was a comforting touch and a familiar one, after months of earning his trust and platonic affection. 

"Do you wanna hear a story?" He asked abruptly once they were in the trees. 

"Sure." She leaned into his help more, using the extra concentration to expand her field. If he was talking, it was more likely she wouldn't hear them approach. 

"We had the One-Tail on our village - Shukaku - and the Kazekage put it in his pregnant wife. Surprise surprise, it actually goes into the baby without a seal and makes a terrible, uncontrollable monster."

She knew this. It was hardly a secret, considering its frequency. Only Kumo had that same kind of problem, but their Eight-Tails Jinchuuriki seemed to gave a handle on it now, at least according to Minato-sama.

"You might find this hard to believe, but I'm an incredibly skilled puppeteer and puppetmaker." He shifted and she could hear the wood rub against skin. "My best friend, Komushi, was both less skilled and apparently less intelligent than I gave him credit for. I made Jounin really young, probably around the same age that you did, but it took him longer despite us being peers."

"I know that feeling." Shisui had been humorously jealous of her rapid movement through the ranks. He'd also been insanely worried for her, more than once seeking out Minato-sama's approval to join her squad in ANBU to take care of her. Someone like Shisui was better served visible on a battlefield, much the same way Minato himself had been, and she knew it. 

"Yeah, well. Komushi, I guess, always felt like he had something to prove. But I hated the Yondaime, the asshole. I've done some pretty heinous things in my lifetime, even some that I regret, but I've never punished someone for something I did to them. And that's what Rasa did, that stupid fuck."

Sasori wasn't usually one to swear so much, finding it vulgar-tasting in his mouth and better reserved for those he loathed to make his disdain extra poignant. He must have hated the Kazekage deeply. 

"And that's exactly what he did. Rasa sent assassin after assassin to kill that little boy, who's only crime was being that fuck's son. When I was ANBU, I watched him as a baby and a little kid, making sure that other villages didn't steal him. Shukaku would keep him awake all hours of the night, and there was nothing anyone - least of all Gaara - could do. The beast was inside him, but unrestrained, and I can only imagine what that did to him. I left ANBU when Rasa wanted me to try."

"Try?"

"To kill Gaara." Sasori's sneer was audible. His chakra threads vibrated with killing intent so fierce it kicked her own senses into overdrive. "I told him that I would kill him before Gaara. I meant it, and I still mean it. But Komushi wasn't so pragmatic. He took the mission. When he went after Gaara, predictably, the beast broke free. If it weren't for me, that dick would have died."

He moved closer, his right arm and leg pressing against her. The wood was smooth, even warm, and flexed naturally. She took the hand on her thigh and squeezed the fingers. He hummed his approval. 

"Yeah. Shukaku bit off my arm and leg for my trouble, fracturing Komushi's ribs. I was taken to the hospital where I remained unconscious through the amputation of the mangled bones and the cauterization of my limbs. I woke up a week and a half after I'd saved him only to find out from his grief-wracked mother that he'd decided to make up for his error and tried again."

"What happened?" She asked softly. 

"He died." He hissed. "He went and got himself killed, the ungrateful dickhead. His mom wanted to thank me for trying to save him, and that she was sorry the effort cost me my body. I was released two days later, and three days after that emerged from my house, walked to the market and bought myself a pineapple. You would swear they seen the Shinigami coming for them, the way they looked at me."

"I was set to graduate the Academy when illness befell me."

He nudged her with his shoulder. 

"I was six, and I contracted a rare disease that wracks your internal organs. I had the most intense chest pains, sometimes I couldn't breathe and blood welled up in my lungs. When I had a coughing fit, it would come up and spill over my hands. I had fainting spells and intense headaches. I lost my ability to think and focus for long periods of time and I was always tired. Shisui told me I lost a lot of weight and looked like a ghost, pale and gaunt and sickly. Minato-sama recalled Tsunade-sama to the village to tend to me. I know he would have done it for any special illness like that, but being the daughter of a clan head made it a public issue was well as a personal one. When she came, I had begun bleeding from my eyes and my nose, slow but steady."

"That sounds shitty."

"In fairness, I don't remember most of it." She angled her face up to the moon. "I'm told I was mostly incoherent. Tsunade worked with a team of herbalists and other doctors and medic nin to figure out a way to halt, if not cure the disease. A Hyuuga actually offered up the basis of the cure, a standard herbal remedy for when overuse of the Byakugan during early training put too much stress on the eyes. In the end, they managed to save me, but the cure itself blinded me. The damage to the nerves that pass along visual information were compromised by the disease and broken by the cure. The only way I see now if through the use of the special chakra Uchiha have that activates the Sharingan. My Sharingan was already active when I got the disease, so I could rely on that. But I found out pretty quickly that it was not so straightforward. I couldn't just use my Sharingan to see, because the chakra would fire along the same paths the damaged nerves would normally use. The chakra passing through them would irritate them and, with enough exposure, make them bleed and ache from the stress. I learned my limits and adhere to them, since going over them is not only personally agonizing, but has a high possibility of shortening the time I can safely use them for."

"Damn. That bites."

"I do my best not to think about what I've lost, rather how to exist gratefully with what remains." She offered a smile to the sky. "That I have sight in any capacity, and that I can still function as a ninja are unfathomable gifts."

"Ugh, how are you so perfect?" He pushed her gently, smirking. "Gross. Stop being such a good person. You're gonna make me sick."

She laughed, low and melodious, warm and welcome. "Says the man looking to protect his village's monster. We're not so dissimilar."

"Oh, but I think we are. Consider my desire to not kill children my best quality, then I can list the rest in descending order."

"Perhaps. We all have our secrets, all aware of the deepest, blackest darknesses we know we are capable of descending to." She squeezed his hand again. "By the way, does Deidara still not know I'm blind?"

He snorted. "Pfft, he absolutely doesn't. I'm waiting for it to click in his little brain."

She turned her gaze to him and it felt like she was peering into his soul. Stupid blind kunoichi, making him feel feelings. "Apparently I am the only blind one who can actually see. When you figure out Deidara, let me know. I want a description of his face when it finally comes to a head. Kisame might not be there so tell me what it looks like."

"Huh?" He frowned as she stood. "What the hell does that mean?"

Itachi left him there with an echoing laugh. 

* * *

"Can I have her for a minute, Kisame?"

The road into the village they were on was full of potholes, and Itachi was perched on his shoulder, face tilted up to the sun. Another crow with a strange red eye was on Kisame's other shoulder, sitting on the top of Samehada's hilt. 

"I'll put her down on the bridge." The large man replied with a sharp-toothed grin. Sasori would never claim to know what Itachi found so attractive about him, but it was obvious that even though the match was an odd sight, they really did compliment each other. Deidara, trailing behind them, huffed and turned away, pouting out at the thinning trees. 

When they got to the small bridge crossing a lively little spring, Itachi slid into Kisame's hands, letting him set her down gently on the even wood. Sasori touched his hand to her back and attached his strings so he could help her dodge holes. 

"The Uchiha Princess decides to use her own legs now, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure Sasori asked me to." She teased. 

Deidara flushed an angry red. Kisame grinned wide and mischievously. As if she could sense it, Itachi looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. Kisame grabbed Deidara abruptly, hoisting him up to take Itachi's place. 

"Hey! What the hell, Kisame! Put me down, hn!"

"I thought our resident diva might like to take a load off." 

"You're an asshole and I hate you." Deidara scowled. Itachi's crow hopped up on top of his hair, squawking loudly. 

"Chiha, play nice." She scolded gently. 

"Put me down." Deidara hissed through clenched teeth.

"By your leave, your Majesty." Kisame placed him down just as gently as Itachi and that only seemed to irritate the blonde further. Chiha jumped ship and hopped back onto Kisame, sitting on his shoulder, her wing brushing against his cheek. He offered her some of the jerky he'd been picking at and he took it, pressing her head against his cheekbone gratefully. 

"Seems like she's enjoying your company." Itachi's smile was beautiful. Sasori tugged on the strings to distract her. If she kept Kisame enthralled like that, he wouldn't distract Deidara enough for them to talk. 

"Yeah, adorable, but we should keep going."

Deidara skulked behind Kisame, letting Sasori drag her up front with him. Kisame began to poke at him by offering him flowers and Deidara's explosive temper took over. Perfect. He owed the shark as much tempura as he could eat once they got into town. 

"I take it you had something to talk to me about?" Her smile was more than a little smug. 

"First off, how dare you realize I have a crush on that blonde idiot."

She chuckled. "I can practically sense it. I'm surprised he can't tell."

"He still doesn't know you're blind." He deadpanned. 

She snorted, covering her mouth. 

"Second, because you're a dick and made me think about it, I came up with a list of reasons it's not a good idea."

"Is anything ever a good idea?"

"No! You don't get to get philosophical on me. Kisame's there to put up with that shit from you."

"And here I thought we were friends."

"Deidara and I won't work because I'm so much older than he is." He started as though he hadn't heard her. 

"You know, Kisame and I have a very similar age gap."

"Yeah, and you have the maturity of a clan leader to back that up. He's an idiot."

"An idiot you have a crush on."

"Keep your voice down, woman!" He yanked on the chakra strings, making her stumble into him. 

"Okay, okay." She hummed, grinning. 

"You're a bad person and I hate you."

"Of course. Continue with your reasons."

"We're from different villages."

She nodded, pretending to take him seriously. 

"Shut up. We're both volatile, so that's a problem. His hair would catch in my joints. Oh, I hate him, so jot that down."

"I can't handwrite anymore. I'm blind, you see."

He scowled and she giggled like she could see it. "Then dictate this back to your hulking manservant later on. Also, he's not as tall as I normally like my men. He's really twink-ish and I'm already short and pretty enough for us both. I don't need competition for prettiest in my own relationship, thank you."

"Naturally." She agreed.

"Plus, can you imagine if he likes to bottom too? That's a dealbreaker right there."

"That's a lot about your sex life in one sentence."

"Please. As if you don't know what it's like to want to be pampered. You wouldn't have gone for a man who can carry you around otherwise."

"I'll give you that one."

"Anyway, there's more issues. I'm a redhead and he's blonde. It's aesthetically unappealing."

"Minato and Kushina are a blonde and a redhead. I think Naruto has a little crush on Gaara, from Suna."

"They skew the results." He waved her away. "They're not even compatible colours." 

"In that case . . ."

"Not to mention that he's not tall enough for me to wear heels out when we're out in public."

"Yes, why didn't I consider that?"

He scowled at her. "I feel as though you are not taking my arguments seriously."

"Me? Absolutely not. That would betray my duties as your friend."

His eyes narrowed, but it was hard to stay mad at someone who was looking just to the right of you. "I also hate the way he wears his hair and how it covers his eye. How am I supposed to know if they're both beautiful with one hidden? Or even that they both look the same direction at the same time? It seems suspicious."

"Very much so. Perhaps that half of his face it reptilian."

"Exactly! I'm not like you. That doesn't interest me."

She shrugged. "I've always had a taste for sweet things."

"Yeah, I noticed the dango Kisame keeps buying you."

"What a clever trick to get into my good graces."

"Stop trying to deflect. I'm listing the reasons me and Deidara wouldn't work out."

"Yes, of course. Continue."

He pouted at her. "I don't think I want to tell you anymore. You're just going to mock me."

"Heaven forbid, I would never."

"Itachi."

"Sasori."

He groaned. "Eugh, you're going to give me Big Sister Advice, aren't you?"

She laid her hand on his shoulder, where she knew he would feel it. "Yes, and I hope you'll listen."

"Fiiiiine. Spit it out."

"You'll only get what you want by chasing it. Whatever exists between Kisame and I would not exist had I not gone after what I wanted. You have to take chances, trust your heart and your body to someone else once in a while. As someone who has worked into your good graces, who understands what it means to have already been wounded and learn to trust others to care for them, I hope you know I would never suggest something I didn't think would be good for you. I want to see you happy, and I think Deidara will provide that. As irritating, grating and contrary as Deidara can be, he compliments your stubbornness, obsession and diligence. If you genuinely don't want him, I'll drop it, but we both know that's not what's happening."

"You have some nerve to be so fucking wise, barely a fucking adult." He sulked. 

She patted his head. Pain in the ass tall people all around him, he should kill them all. "It's the territory of being an older sibling."

"You're evil."

"Possibly."

"And excruciating."

"Likely."

He groaned, flicking her in the nose just to watch her recoil. 

"Are you going to tell me the truth now?"

"Okay, so his hair looks super soft and silky, his eyes are gorgeous and his skin is clear and smooth. What about it? What if he's just tall enough to have to tip my head back to kiss me and I think those mouths on his hands might be an interesting addition to sex?"

"Ew. He chews explosive clay with those."

"Shut up, you're gonna spoil the fantasy." He shushed her. "So what if he's just a little bit bigger than me? Not to mention his ass, which is a criminal offence to keep covered? I just wanna _grab_ it. But you know what really makes me stop?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to live with him for the foreseeable future. What happens if I fuck this up? I couldn't keep one friend alive and my own grandmother hates me. What do I do when I inevitably screw up with him."

Her face got soft and she touched his cheek, gentle and sweet. "Sasori."

"Tell me, Itachi. What do I do if he gives me a chance and I fucking blow it?"

"Well, I say you do it anyway. After all, it would have to be really, really bad for him to even notice, right? I mean, he still doesn't know I'm blind."

He started to laugh and it made him realize how close he was to crying. Fuck. After Komushi, he'd not had anyone close to him and that had been almost a decade ago now. Not to mention talking about how shitty Chiyo was to him had always been a sore spot. "You have some nerve to make me feel feelings."

"Kakashi said something very similar." She mused, smiling. 

"I hate you."

"I know."

"Hey, what's this about feelings?" Deidara burst between the two of them, wearing the sulkiest expression he could. "I'm sick of you two going off to gossip, hn!"

"None of your business, brat." He lifted Itachi off the ground and put her back on Kisame's shoulder. Some of the potholes were starting to have water in them. 

"What the hell? Why does she get strings and I don't?"

"She needs the help."

"Huh? What for?"

"If you can't figure it out, I have no hope of finding your brain attractive too."

Deidara sputtered. "How about you try making sense, danna, hn."

Itachi and Kisame's laughter made Sasori turn around and scowl sharply. 

"I hope you both fall into a volcano." 

"Aww, how sweet." Kisame grinned. 

"Hey, since I can hear the town not far, how about we split up when we get there? Kisame and I will go get rooms for us and you two can scope out a good shop to have dinner in."

"What-" Sasori sputtered. "Itachi, _no_!"

"Good idea. That's exactly what we should do." Kisame agreed. 

"Sure, I guess."

"Not you too!" He groaned, shoving a finger into Deidara's chest. "You're supposed to be my last bastion against her."

Deidara huffed, looking for all the world like he was jealous and irritable. "Maybe if you weren't up her ass all the time, you'd know me better."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"You got a problem with me, shortie, just say it! Don't dance around it, being all vague and annoying, hn!"

"Fine! _Fine!_ I'll go with Deidara." He spun around, pointing accusingly at the other couple. "But I want you to know this is all your fault."

"Oh, I'm aware." Itachi winked. "Have fun."

The anger drained from Deidara. "Wait, what?"

Kisame ruffled his hair. "No time like the present to say what _you_ mean, Dei."

"Hey! I told you that in confidence, you stupid fish!"

Kisame and Itachi walked off ahead of them serenely, as if they hadn't just thrown both men into the metaphorical and emotional deep end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Chiha" means "a thousand wings".


	4. A Ceramicist's Attention

Being in town alone with Deidara while Itachi flounced off with Kisame was actual agony. Three months he'd been nursing a crush on this brat and now she decides to abandon him in the wilderness with no means of escape? They wouldn't even know where to meet her until Chiha came looking for them and led them back. Not to mentional all the quizzical looks Deidara kept giving him since the vague but telling exchange between him and Itachi before they parted ways. 

"You're going to have to get used to me, danna."

"What do you mean?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "We're going to be together for the foreseeable future and you can be damn sure Itachi and Kisame are always going to wander off together. That means you and I will be stuck together. A lot. You'll have to get used to my face."

"Trust me, your face isn't the problem?"

Deidara frowned in confusion, so he walked faster to try and avoid it. "You and your riddles. Why do you have to be like this?"

"I'm a pain in the ass, I guess."

"Got that right." Deidara blew the hair hanging in front of his face. "What do you feel like eating?"

"I'm not really picky, but Itachi will want sweets."

"You got a crush on her or something?"

"For Itachi?" He broke into hysterical laughter. To feel attraction to women - how absurd. "Absolutely not. One-hundred percent platonic friendship."

"Oh." Deidara's mood brightened. "Good."

"Why?"

"Well, firstly, it would be a shame to see Kisame eat you to keep his monopoly. Plus that means I still have a shot."

He stopped dead in his tracks, shocked stupid. Who the hell just comes out and says something like that? What kind of an ill-raised-

"Danna!" Deidara grabbed him and pulled him out of the way of a runaway mule carrying a heavy cart that definitely would have run him over. "You've been weird all day. Stop it."

"Well, there goes any inclination I had to thank you." He pulled out of Deidara's arms. "I think I saw a place. Let's go."

* * *

"Ouch." Itachi winced. 

"Yeah." He collapsed on her bed. "See what I mean?"

"He did say he wants to get with you, right? Why don't you just be that straightforward?"

"I can't! I don't have it in me."

"Then play up your wiles."

Sasori glared at Kisame. "I hate you. Both of you."

The shark man only laughed, placing a tray of dango in Itachi's lap. She smiled at him with surprising accuracy and began to daintily eat the sweet, her faux-innocence and gentility fooling nobody in the room. Kami knows why she even bothered to keep up the pretenses around them any further. 

"Perhaps you just need the right push to get you there." She mused, catching some of the sweet glaze on her fingers and sucking it off. Sasori had to commend Kisame on his patience, since he wasn't sure himself if he could handle Deidara doing something similar. 

"I have no desire to make a fool of myself for some brat's attention."

"He's not just a brat, he's your brat. And that makes all the difference."

* * *

He loathed to admit when Itachi was correct, yet here he was. 

"Danna, your leg!"

He looked down and found the wood all splintered and the foot entirely missing. Deidara was pale, the lack of blood not even occurring to him, the idiot. 

"Shut up." He summoned Hiruko from his collection of scrolls and quickly hopped inside of it. 

"Down the alley!" Came the call of one of the bandits. 

Deidara reached for his clay automatically, but this was _not_ what they were here for. They weren't to engage unnecessary fighting, and now he was screwed with his lowered mobility. Best to disappear and let Itachi and Kisame handle them. 

"Not yet." He hissed, pulling Deidara in with him, _on top of him_ , and gesturing Hiruko closed. He then got to the business of scuttling Hiruko into low brush cover and prepping the weapons in case he absolutely needed to battle. 

Once they were situated, Sasori realized not only was Deidara crouched awkwardly over his lap, pressed down by Hiruko's shell, but neither of them would be able to reach the latch that would let them out of the puppet to hide in the trees. 

"What have I done to deserve this?" He muttered to himself, trying to slid further back to give Deidara room to move more comfortably, but there was none. 

"You'd know better than I would, hn." Deidara replied and he only barely restrained himself from slapping Deidara across the face. 

"Shutting up would make this unpleasant experience much more bearable."

"Ugh, you're such a dickhead." Deidara rolled his eyes. "I'm just going to stick with Kisame from now on, his love affair be damned. He can have at her when we're in camp."

He snorted. "You sound like a jealous girlfriend."

"It's not my fault that you claim to like men, but drool all over her whenever you're together. Even on the walk over here, the two of you wouldn't stop snickering. And I know it was at my expense because she likes Kisame too much to let you make fun of him."

"To be fair, there's nothing about Kisame to make fun of. You've seen him in the baths."

"Yeah, and I can't unsee it." Deidara shivered, repulsed. "Dunno how Itachi gets that thing inside of her. It's like a column."

He snickered meanly. "Oh, so I'm supposed to fawn all over you? All you ever do around me is complain bitterly that I exist and that I'm an asshole, yet you continue to seek my company. Who's fault is that, I wonder?"

Deidara's glare sharpened. "I'll stop then. You and Itachi can sit on Kisame's shoulders and gossip like the bitches that you are."

He scowled. "That's uncalled for."

"Oh yeah? Why, hn?" The blonde frowned, contemptuous. "Does the princess riding atop her steed with her royal advisor not paint a pretty enough image for you?"

"She's far from a bitch and you know it."

"Oh, but you still are, huh?" Deidara leaned forward, but the aggression wasn't sexy at all. This was actual malevolence. "If you don't want me on the team, I'll just go. This isn't exactly a picnic for me out here. I would have stayed in Iwa if I wanted to be surrounded by people who hate me. I don't need you doing that too."

"I don't hate you. You just make this shit up in your head. Trust me, if I had no inclination to be around your stupid, pretty face, then I wouldn't be." He hissed back, sitting up as much as he could without kissing the other man. "My preference in sexual position doesn't have any bearing on my ability to kick your ass. If you really want to go, then go, but you'll lose the chance at anything you want to gain."

The blonde snorted. "What chance? You've shown nothing but disdain for me this entire time."

"Maybe because I'm thirty-five and jaded?" He retorted. "Did that ever occur to you? That there's a damn good reason I never laid it out?"

"Pfft, what, because of a little number? You look twelve - if anything, I'm going to get weird looks for being with you in public. That doesn't mean I don't want you."

This conversation was getting way off-track. "You want me?"

"I didn't know you were deaf as well as part puppet." Deidara snarked back. 

"I'm not a puppet."

"Explain the wooden limbs, then, Hashirama."

"I lost them trying to save my best friend from doing something stupid, but he died anyway." He scowled back at the sympathetic look that overcame the Iwa nin. "Get that ugly look off your face."

"There's nothing wrong with being a nice person, you wooden prick. If anything, makes you more attractive, hn."

"Is now really the time?"

"If I don't make an impression now, you'll go back to ignoring me. If nothing else, I always leave an impression."

Before he could complain, loudly and bitterly, Deidara kissed him. It was full on, aggressive and passionate; dangerous and wild like Deidara himself. His own repressed longing jumped up to the invitation and he found himself with fistfuls of the blonde's hair, trying to pull Deidara closer, but his folded legs getting in the way. 

"Neither of us can actually reach the release, can we?" Deidara murmured as they broke apart. 

"My arm doesn't actually come off, otherwise it might be a possibility."

Deidara shuddered. "Just the thought of that makes me want to gag."

"A wooden limb?"

"The idea of an arm coming off."

"Yeah, it's not pleasant."

"But that means we have to wait for Princess and the Servant to come find us, right?"

"She does know where the emergency external release is, yes." He frowned. "Why?"

"Gives me more time to prove my point, hn."

| | | 

He was so, _so_ close when abrupt sunlight blinded them both. 

"Ack, what the fuck?"

Above them, Kisame immediately burst into loud, unfettered laughter. Itachi, kneeling on the ground next to Hiruko, still trying to extract her hand from the very narrow release port, turned her gaze to where they were and frowned. 

"What? What's happening?"

The mortification killed his erection and any inclination to have one again in the near future. Deidara, on the other hand, didn't even have the decency to flush from more than exertion and heat from a cramped space. His jaw dropped open as he stared at Itachi, who only frowned harder when her question went unanswered. 

"THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! YOU'RE BLIND!" Deidara burst out, which only made Kisame laugh harder, leaning into a tree for support. 

"Yes?" She cocked her head. 

The blonde launched himself out of Hiruko directly into her, shaking her fiercely. "Why didn't you tell me? All this time I've- That's why Kisame carries you around all the time and why you never cook dinner. You should have just told me!"

"You're telling me we've been in the same company for almost four months and you never realized I was blind?" Itachi was staring directly at him, expression aghast. 

"What kind of person goes blind then decides to be a ninja?!"

"So I take it you had no idea I'm a Sensor, too."

"WHAT?!"

Through the tears streaming down his face and the lack of oxygen through his laughs, Kisame rounded Hiruko and offered him a hand out. 

"No, thank you. You can just bury me here, right now. Do not mourn my passing or mark my grave. Just drop Hiruko into a hole in the ground and cover it in dirt and let mercy have me."

"You're all assholes." Deidara finally announced. "I can't believe none of you told me."

"Do you know about Sasori's wooden limbs?"

"I knew about the arm because I saw him wrapping it when we were in Konoha. Didn't know about the leg until today. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"In fairness, everyone I've encountered could tell. I thought you knew, or at least would pick up on it."

"I guess you get a pass because you literally can't see whether or not I know, but I hate you two assholes. Forever. We're no longer friends."

"I think you're more than friends with Sasori at this point." Kisame snickered.

"Oh, is that what you were doing?"

Sasori thunked his head against Hiruko. "Kill me."

"I just got ahold of you!" Deidara complained. 

"Itachi, crows eat human flesh, right? Have them eat me."

"I can't see where you are to direct them."

"Cheap shot." Deidara complained, hitting her shoulder. 

She just laughed more, the insufferable woman. 

* * *

The next morning, when they were packed up and on their way again, Itachi slipped him a note quietly before jumping up onto Kisame's shoulders. It was raining, and he didn't seem to mind. 

"What?" Deidara leaned over his shoulder, reading the note. 

_Congratulations on the new relationship, but you're very loud._

" _Itachi!_ " Deidara yelled, indignant, before rushing off to chase them down. 

"Strike me down and evaporate me." Sasori bemoaned. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."


End file.
